How nostalgia can be a powerful teacher

I have spent much of the last year trying to understand how we “learn.” I don’t mean learning from courses or reading, although that is part of it. Rather I mean how we draw lessons, from childhood onwards, from the experiences we have and the people we meet.

There is a well-established model of learning and development called 70/20/10. It suggests that 70% of learning comes from experiences, 20% from peers and only 10% from reading, courses, podcasts and other forms of formal learning. A couple of months ago, a wise “teacher,” leadership coach Rob McNamara, said to me that most of our growth comes from our relationships. I have been thinking a lot about that statement, and all the learning principles I have studied this year, and I have concluded that Rob is right. At least for me.

I am embarking on a journey of self-exploration and I would be delighted to have you join me. I plan to explore the relationships, interactions and experiences that are etched in my memory. I am starting with the hypothesis that because these are vivid in my memory, they are of some significance to my behaviors, attitudes and decision making in my day-to-day leadership. I don’t know for sure if it’s true, but I plan to put it to the test.

As I reflect on the experiences and people that have shaped me, I will share what I have learned from each. It would be wonderful if I can move some of you to share as well. I would love to build a community of professionals who are willing to explore and share experiences that have shaped how they show up in the world. It would be cool to share with each other how lessons from childhood, adolescence and young adulthood translated into our good and not-so-good practices as leaders.

In a Harvard Business Review article, “The Authenticity Paradox,” Professor Herminia Ibarra states something that has made me think deeply about how my leadership style evolved. Dr. Ibarra suggests that, consciously or not, we allow our personal narratives formed from defining moments in our lives to paint a self-image. Our self-image guides us in new situations. But, as we grow, sometimes it’s necessary to alter or even discard certain narratives, craft new interpretations or select different defining moments as touchpoints.

I keyed in on the word “sometimes.” It takes a lot of self-awareness and experimentation to know what to keep, what to change and when. As I prepared some of the stories you are about to read, I did, in fact, find myself modifying the stories and the lessons drawn relative to what I had been carrying around in my head for years.

I have always been a nostalgic person. I love memories. I love rolling around in them. Reliving them. I think I get that from my mom. When we were kids, she often said things like, “Last year, at this time, we were doing such and such…” or “Ten years ago today…” That was years before Facebook introduced the whole “Memories” feature. She would have loved it!

I am a huge Mad Men fan, and one of my favourite Don Draper quotes was in the Season 1 Finale. He was giving a pitch to Kodak executives in 1960, to prepare for the launch of their new slide projector, the one with the rotating carousel.

“Nostalgia - it’s delicate, but potent…. In Greek nostalgia literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s called the carousel. It lets us travel the way a child travels – around and around, and back home again, to a place where we know are loved.”

This pitch resonated with me when the episode first aired in 2007 and it has stayed with me since. The whole series was a personal journey where Don connected the dots between his behaviour in the present to the experiences and people of his childhood. We got to watch as he tried desperately to increase his self awareness and become a better person, despite his upbringing.

As images of my life flash through my mind, going backwards and forwards, I relive the experiences and I am pretty sure they impact my interactions today. I also believe that learning to draw connections between our past and our present enable us to be much more deliberate and intentional in learning from our real-time experiences in the present. We are exposed to so many interactions and conversations every minute of every day. Imagine if we could turn each one into a learning moment, how powerful that would be!

My boys are almost men now but, when they were young children, I had a bedtime ritual with them. After I read them a story, I would ask them to pick an age and I would tell them a story from my life in that year. One day, when my younger son was about 10, he referenced something from one of the stories I had told him when he was 3. I could not believe it. The power of childhood stories transcends generations.

I hope to interview a number of you and share your stories. Perhaps some of you might become guest bloggers. Through this experience, I hope to encourage all of my readers to become deliberate in understanding why we do what we do, aware of the people and experiences we should be grateful for and conscious of the behaviours and styles we may want to evolve.

If you are interested in joining me on this journey - as a silent observer, a self-reflector or a sharing participant - please subscribe here. I don’t know where we’ll end up, but aren’t those the most intriguing journeys?!