What I learned about diplomacy from my dad and the angry garbage man

There was no summer camp for my older brother and me back in the 70s. Both of my parents worked so my brother was responsible for me. On days that my brother had plans with his friends, my dad took me to his gas station. By the time I was 9 years old, the business was doing well and my dad had summer staff working for him - usually a teenage rocker with long hair. Mohawk had also granted him an additional gas station about 5 miles away. I used to enjoy spending days with him running around town doing errands, going to the bank and picking up supplies. And every so often we would pick up lunch from White Spot.

My dad also had office work to do and, while he did the books, I just hung around. I tried to find ways to amuse myself. I was a timid child and a little afraid of teenagers with long hair since a few of them that I had come across in my neighborhood were bullies. So I stayed close to my dad or kept to myself. But I often got bored.

I remember one particular pump jockey, Paul, who sensed my timidity. Paul was a nice guy and managed to get me talking by asking me questions. As I became more comfortable, he started explaining things to me about working at the gas station.

He taught me how to load the Coke machine, which was fun. It dispensed the old-style bottles. They were loaded on the side. After inserting the coins, you opened a little door and yanked a bottle out. Another one then fell into place to replace it.

Eventually Paul trained me on how to use the cash register and taught me how to pump gas. I found working the cash register too stressful and processing credit cards too complicated. So every time a car pulled up, I would hustle to the pumps first so Paul could handle all that. I worked hard and was eager to impress my new friend. As I reflect back, I am sure he really enjoyed having a minion make his life easier!

Most of the customers were nice and, through the experiences at the gas station, my confidence grew. Sure I made mistakes, over pumped at times, spilled some gas and forgot a few gas caps but people were forgiving of a 9-year old. That all really boosted my view of humanity. There were way more kind people than mean people.

Still, there were some mean people. There was one particular customer who scared the crap out of me. He was this huge garbage truck driver. He was 6-feet tall and muscle bound. Every second word he said to his partner was a swear word. He smelled terrible. He didn’t wear a shirt on hot days and belched really loud. And he barked orders at me. He freaked me out. Plus the gas fill hole was right at the back of the truck where you could smell the days collected garbage. Seeing that truck pull in every afternoon would cause my heart to sink.

One really hot afternoon, as I walked into the store after filling up his truck, he was putting his coins into the Coke machine. I heard the clanking as he pulled his bottle out and then I heard him cursing really loudly as he kicked the machine. He was pissed and he made eye contact with me. He was holding a Coke bottle in one hand and I thought he was going to tear my head off with the other hand. Paul had just gone off shift and the afternoon guy was in the washroom. I was all alone with this monster.

And then, from behind the garbage man, my 5-foot-5 dad walked out of his office. In a very calm tone, he asked, “What’s wrong guy? Why are you so upset?” The garbage man replied, “This #%&* Coke is #%&* warm!” My dad looked at me, knowing that I just finished loading up the Coke machine, walked toward me, reached into the cash register drawer and pulled out a bundle of keys. He then walked back past the garbage man, opened up the Coke machine, pulled a bottle out from the back and handed it to the man. “How’s this one?” my dad asked.

The garbage man’s face lit up with a huge smile. I thought he was going to hug my dad. “Thank you, Sir!” he said in a shockingly respectful and gentle tone. My dad told him if that ever happened again, just to let him know. My dad said that he understood how hard he worked and how much he must look forward to a cold Coke at the end of a hot day.

The garbage man guzzled his Coke down in 30 seconds, put down the bottle, smiled at me and apologized for scaring me. I just smiled..kind of..I was still freaked out. But from that day on, he was nice to me and I was no longer scared of him.

As for my dad, I was in awe. There were dozens of ways he could have handled that situation. There were all sorts of ways that the scenario could have played out with a negative outcome. My dad chose not to react with anger. He chose not to react in fear. He chose to react with empathy. With that empathy, he was able get to the heart of what was making the garbage man angry: his physical exhaustion, the heat and likely his misery from working with garbage all day, every day. My dad couldn’t solve all of that, but he could get him a cold Coke and show him some understanding.

There are four things I learned that day. The first, and most obvious, is how acting with empathy in the face of strong emotion can defuse a situation. The second is how courage can overcome the most frightening situation. The third is to respect and appreciate people that perform hard physical labour. Finally, I learned how to load a Coke machine so that the warm bottles have time to chill before they are dispensed. In fact, in my teens, when I had to train a new staff member at the gas station, one of the first things I taught them was to always load the warm soda in the back of the cooler.

Before I close, I feel it is important to say that I have found most of the waste collectors I've come across in my life, including the ones that currently service our street, to be quite lovely. It is a very important job and good career with great benefits for many people.

Was there a time someone taught you a lesson by acting with empathy in the face of hostility? Comment below or email me at shakeelbharmal@icloud.com.

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